>

Why of all people HIM?!
Well, here I'd like you to see some "stories" about my father. But NEVER tell him I put this information on my website or I'll be the roasted chicken center piece tonight. :)
*Please note that all of these stories may disgust you, so if you die from disgust ... do not blame moi, I'm not accountable for your death :D

One day my dad was going to work - he wakes up early to go to work, he leaves home at 6:30 am. So sometimes we hear the garage open then close when he opens it for the car to come out and then closes it so no one to get back in. That day - we heard egg-sactly that ... exept later we heard it open again. Open ... then close ... then open ... close ... a toilet flush ... and then open ... and close. When my father came home, we questioned this queerness. It came out to be that half way on the drive to work, he came back to go poo. He claimed he didn't drive all the way to his workplace to go to the washroom since it was closer because the washroom at work was dirtier O___o'' ... and so he went back home to poo. Laugh out loud.

here was my daddy's excuse: "but the toilet at home was better than at work!"

One day, my dad heard in a Chinese radio station "Do your bones always hurt? Are you always so tired that you can't do anything? Does your wife have to rub your bones?" My daddy heard this and EVERYTHING matched a description of HIM. So as he heard on, the radio said "Then you have to drink milk!". So my daddy went to no frills and bought four litres of milk and drank a few glasses - almost instantly, he needed to go diarhea. So he did half of it at home ... then he held it for a few minutes because he had to drive to someone's house for a meeting and he was already late from diarhea. So when he arrived he spent half the meeting in the person's house washroom - flushing every few seconds so that the toilet won't clog. When he finished he had no idea what the other peoples in the meeting were talking about ... and the worst thing was ... he forgot to tell the people how smelly their washroom would have be.
Daddy's excuse: "BUT THE RADIO TOLD ME TO"

When my father first immigrated from Hong Kong, he went to a Canadian Tire store. When he went there he needed to go to the washroom -- badly. Thus, he asked a salesperson "where is the toilet" because in Hong Kong there was no "washroom" they called it "the toilet" so the salesperson from CANADA thought my dad wanted to BUY toilets and led him to the toilet isle of the store!

When my daddy was a high-schooler, he always had diarhea for no aparent reason. When he grew up, he read a book about stress and the effects -- "diarhea can result from stress" then my father knew why he always had diarhea and questioned EVERYONE if they ever had diarhea in highschool ... -___-;;

One time, on our way back to Canada in an airport, there were escalator type transportation devices that lead to different parts of the airport. So you would just stand there and the conyer belt would move you across to reduce luggage carrying etc. So my dad was on one, and we warned him not to touch the handle since we did so on the previous conveyor belt and got our hands all dirty and black. My father, forgetting our advice, touched the handle and when we addressed him to tell him NOT to put his hands on the handle, he looked back and put his hands ON HIS HEAD - whoops, we were too late to warn him. Thus he had to walk around the airport with a black stain on his head ;).

My dad totally sucks at English. One time, my grandfather (his dad) asked my dad to buy him some plaster in order for my grandfather to make his three-dimensional maps. So my dad goes to his favourite store, Canadian Tire, and instead of asking "Where can I find the cement?" his Chinese accent turned the question to, "Where can I find semen?".